【轉載】你需要遠離的十二種有毒思維

1.  Thinking that you are a victim.（認為自己是個受害者）

你可以是癌症的受害者或者是生存者都取決在你的思維。You can be a victim of cancer, or a survivor of cancer. It’s a mindset. – Dave Pelzer

你不是一個受害者。所以停止把你的問題歸罪在別人或是你的處境之上。就只因為你不喜歡你現在的位置，那並不表示你不能為自己負責並去改善它。所以改變掉這種受害者思維，因為它對你的生活一點幫助也沒有。事實上，它反而是你達到成功的障礙。記得：你，只有你，才可以為你的命運負責。

You’re not a victim. So stop blaming other people or your circumstances for your problems. Just because you don’t like where you are now doesn’t mean that you can’t take personal responsibility to change it for the better. So get rid of that victim-mentality because it doesn’t help anything. In fact, it acts as an obstacle to success. Realize that you, and only you, are responsible for your destiny.

2. Thinking that you can change other people. （認為你可以改變他人）

接受並不等於放棄。這表示要去了解事情的實質存在之後，你必然能找到渡過的辦法。Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it. – Michael J. Fox

你不能！ 我透過了艱難的方法得到了這個教訓。曾經有一段時間，我以為我可以『激勵』更甚至是『啟發』他人可以成為更好的自已。整整花了我好一段時間才發現這個世界上唯一可以改變他們的就只有他們自已。如果人們不想要改變﹣抑或是不知道該如何改變﹣那麼你的所有努力都只是白癈力氣。所以不要浪費時間去擔心別人。如果你不喜歡他們『這個樣子』，那麼你可以選擇不要與他們有任何的交集，但是你沒有權力去改變他們。

You can’t. I had to learn this the hard way. There was a time in my life when I thought I could “motivate” and “inspire” people to be their best selves. It took me a while to realize that the only thing that can change other people isthemselves. If they don’t want to change—or don’t know how—then all of your efforts will be wasted. So don’t worry about other people. If you don’t like them “as is,” then you have the choice to not hang out with them anymore. But you don’t have the right to change them.

3. Thoughts that constantly resist “What Is.” （一直在抗拒『事實』的思維）

如果我們一直等待著他人或是某個時刻的話，那麼改變便永遠不會發生。我們便是自己一直等待的那個人，也是我們一直在尋找的改變。Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. – Barack Obama

我們可以改變一些事，事實上，你可以改變很多的事。你可以減肥，你可以找一個更好的工作，你可以回去學校讀書，你可以經營你的婚姻。但這世上有你無法改變的事，而這些事情就只是單純的『事實』。你不可以改變你的老闆是個混蛋的事實。你可以換工作，但你不可以改變你的老闆。你不能改變你必須付房貸或是房租的事實，但你可以停止抗拒它。不斷地抗拒你不能改變的事除了對你造成沮喪並讓你覺得悲慘之外並不能改變任何的事。所以改變你可以改變的，並接受你不能改變的。

Some things you can change. In fact, a LOT of things you can change. You can lose weight. You can find a better job. You can go back to school. You can work on your marriage. But there are some things you can’t change. Those things are simply “what is.” You can’t change that your boss is a jerk. You can change jobs, but you can’t change your boss. You can’t change the fact that you have to pay rent or your mortgage. But you can stop resisting it. Resisting the unchangeable does nothing more than frustrate you and make you miserable. So change what you can, and accept what you can’t.

4. Thinking that “The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side.”（認為別人家的草都比較綠）

生命的價值不在於一天的長短，而是在於我們如何去創造它。你對生命的滿意不是決定在你每年的故事，而是決定在你的意識力。The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them… Whether you find satisfaction in life depends not on your tale of years, but on your will. – Michel de Montaigne

『如果我可以像那個女孩一樣漂亮的話，那我就會很快樂。』或者是『如果我可以像那個人一樣有錢的話，那我就會很快樂。』。這樣的思維都不是真的。就只因為你認為別人有的比你好並不表示那是真的。或許那個漂亮的女孩來自於一個會虐待她的家庭，而一直無法重整她的生活。或許那個有錢的人花太多的時間在工作上面而從來沒有機會去見他的家人。別人家的草不一定比你的綠，所以珍措你所擁有的。那是你的草，所以學會去愛它吧。

“If only I was as pretty as that girl, then I’d be happy.”  Or “If only I was as rich as that guy, then I’d be happy.” Those kinds of thoughts aren’t true. Just because you think someone else has it better than you doesn’t mean they do. Maybe the pretty girl came from an abusive home and can’t get her life in order. And maybe the rich guy spends so much time at work that he never gets to see his family. The grass is not greener on the other side. So appreciate the grass you have. It’s your grass. So love it.

5. Having expectations of other people. （對他人有所期待）

如果你不喜歡一些事，那麼就去改變它。如果你不能改變它的話，那麼就改變你的態度。If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. – Maya Angelou

期待可以是快樂的致命傷，即便你認為你自己的期待很合情合理，例如與你的室友或是另一半分享家裡的家務。就因為你期待這樣的事情並不表示他們就會這樣做。認清你的期待來自於你的個人經驗與環境。他們不一定是別人的優先考量。你或許不喜歡被期待去做一些你不喜歡做的事情，所以也不要將這樣的期待強行壓制在別人的身上。如果你不喜歡他們的行為，那麼要不去接受它，要不就繼續走下去。

Expectations can be deadly to happiness, even if you think your expectation is reasonable, such as having your roommate or spouse do his/her share of the chores around the house. Just because you expect it doesn’t mean they will do it. Realize that your expectations come from your personal experiences and biases. They are not necessarily other people’s priority. You probably don’t like being expected to do things that you don’t want to do, so don’t impose your expectations on others. If you don’t like their behavior, either accept it, or move on.

6. Thinking that having a significant other will complete you.（認為只要擁有另一半就可以讓你變得完整）

你可以搜尋全宇宙來找尋那個值得擁有你的愛並比你更懂得珍惜你的人，但那樣的人並不存在。你自己，正如同全宇宙的任何一個人一樣，才是值得你的愛與珍惜的那個人。You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection. – Buddha

如果你不是一個完人，那麼擁有那個與你相愛的另一半也不會讓你完整。而且，這還會在那一個人身上造成『讓你快樂』的壓力。你需要自己學會快樂，不管有沒有那個人出現。擁有另一半不會使你快樂，只有你自己可以使你自己快樂。

If you are not a whole person already, then having a romantic partner will not make you whole. Plus, it puts a lot of pressure on the other person to “make you happy.” You need to be happy with yourself with or without someone. Having a significant other doesn’t make you happier. Only you can make yourself happy.

7. Feeling that you always need to prove that you are right. （認為你總是需要去證明你是對的）

一個男人必須要夠大才有辦法承認自己的錯誤，夠聰明才有辦法從中學到領悟，夠堅強才有辦法去改變它。A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them. – John C. Maxwell

我總是好奇人們為什麼總是據理力爭地想要證明自己是『對的』。我想那是因為他們不想要看起來很無能為力，脆弱或是愚蠢吧。但我認為承認自己的錯誤反而是一種更高尚與成熟的舉止。此外，每個人都有不一樣的觀點，所以為什麼你不能在擁有你的同時，也讓他們擁有他們的？

I always wonder why people will fight to the death to prove they are “right.” What’s the point? I think it’s because they don’t want to look weak. Or vulnerable. Or stupid. But I think admitting you are wrong is a much more noble and mature thing to do. Besides, everyone has a different opinion. So why not have yours and let them have theirs?

8. Worrying about what other people think.（擔心別人對你的評價。）

永遠要當自己，表達自己，並對自已有信心。不要去外面尋找一個成功的人格並複製它。Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. – Bruce Lee

你為什麼要在乎別人想什麼？你認為他們在批判你嗎？我在這要讓你知道一個小秘密，那就是永遠沒有人比你批判你自己還要來得多。別人就像你一樣忙著批判自己，他們很可能甚至不會對你有任何一秒鐘的思維。所以做一些可以讓你自己覺得快樂的事吧。如果別人真的在批判你，那是他們的問題，不是你的。你只要忽視他們，著重在讓自己快樂就好了。

Why do you care? Do you think they are judging you? I’m going to let you in on a little secret. No one is judging you as much as you are judging yourself. Other people are too busy judging themselves just like you that they probably don’t even give you a second thought! So do what makes youhappy. And if others are judging you, then it’s their problem, not yours. Ignore them and be happy anyway.

9. Thinking there is only ONE right and ONE wrong.（認為這個世界上只有一個對的和一個錯的。

事實往往只是他們的表相。正如你在晚上的時候望著這個宇宙的夜空，你不會去比較哪一顆星是對的，那一顆又是錯的。也不會去批判另一個是好的與不好的星座組合。Things are as they are. Looking out into it the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations. – Alan Watts

我們活在一個認為凡事都有個客觀事實的世界裡。但所謂的客觀事實只不過是個虛幻不實的東西，那並不存在。舉例來說﹣誰是對的？共和黨還是民主黨？那完全決定在你問這句話的對象，不是嗎？每一個人都認為某些事是對的因為那符合他們的生活以及他們看待這個世界的方法。就只是這樣而已。

We live in a world where we like to think there is an objective reality. But guess what? Objective reality is an illusion. It doesn’t exist. Only subjective realities do. What one person thinks is the “truth” is not the truth for someone else. For example—who’s right? The Republicans or the Democrats? Well, it depends on who you ask, right? Everyone thinks something is right because it fits their life and the way they look at the world. And that’s it. Period. End of story.

10. Worrying about the future because you feel unprepared.（因為你覺得自己還沒有準備好而擔心未來。）

不要擔心今天可能是世界末日，因為在澳大利亞已經是明天了。Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. – Charles M. Schulz

我喜歡這句話：擔心就像是在對上天祈求你不想要的東西一樣。如果你相信祈禱的力量，那你就會知道對宇宙／上帝（不管你的信仰是什麼）發送這樣的思維與情緒的話，大多都會實現的。所以倒不如活在此時此刻。現在才是你所擁有的。所以活在當下並停止擔心未來吧，因為你只能控制到某一個一定的程度而已。

I love this saying: “Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.” And if you believe in the power of prayer, then you know that sending out thoughts and emotions into the Universe/God (whatever your belief system) works much of the time. So instead, be here in the NOW. Now is all you have. So be present and stop worrying about the future because you can only control it to a certain extent.

11. Thinking that money equals happiness.（認為金錢就等於快樂）

金錢從來都不能使人快樂，也不會，因為它沒有任何自然的元素來製造快樂。一旦擁有了它就只會讓人們想要擁有更多罷了。Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants. – Benjamin Franklin

我們活在一個把金錢與成就看得很重的資本主義社會。我們認為那些擁有很多錢的人們向來好過那些沒有錢的人。但那完全不是個事實。我很確定這個世界上有很多快樂但卻一文不值的僧侶，或者是一些在麥當勞工作的人很可能比那些億萬富翁要來得快樂。所以不要掉入那個你認為自己只要有錢就會快樂的陷阱裡。因為那根本就不是真的。有錢很好，但不能使你快樂。只有你自己可以做到那樣的事。

We live in a capitalistic culture that values money and achievement. We think that people who have a lot of money are somehow better than those who don’t. But that’s simply not true. I’m sure there are plenty of happy monks in the world who probably don’t hold a dollar to their names. Or someone working at McDonald’s may be really happy while some billionaires aren’t. So don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have to be rich to be happy. It simply isn’t true. Money is nice, but it doesn’t make you happy. Only you can do that.

12. Believing that the past determines your future.（認為你的過去決定你的未來）

不要去鑽研你的過去，也不要去幻想你的未來，只要專注在你現在的思維以及當下的這一刻。Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. – Buddha

正因為你來自於一個貧窮的家庭，或是在過去犯了某種錯誤，那並不表示你不能讓你的未來變得更好。如果你因為自己的過去而用『失敗』來標示你自己的話，那麼你將會持續將你『失敗』的態度帶進你的未來。如果你聽過自我滿足所創造出來奇蹟的話，那你就會知道你的思維才是成就你的未來的要素。所以就正如我文章開頭所說的：改變你的思維便可以改變你的生活。

Just because you came from a poor family, or made mistakes in the past does not mean that you can’t make your future better. If you have labeled yourself as a “failure” because of your past, then you will only continue your “failure” attitude into the future. And if you’ve heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy phenomenon, then you know that what you think, you become. So like I said in the opening paragraph: “Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life!”

我希望這個文章可以讓你好好地思考那些很可能天天在你腦子裡重覆的有毒思維。我敢打賭你甚至沒有意識到它們的存在。所以開始花點心思去注意自己在想什麼，當你意識到這些負面思維又浮上檯面的時候，就趕儘地按下消除或是刪除鍵吧～

I hope that this article has made you think long and hard about the toxic thoughts that probably go through your mind every day. And I bet you didn’t even know it! So start paying attention to what you think, and when you catch your negative thoughts, hit the “cancel” and “delete” buttons—FAST!