Ep. 43. Self-reflection within criticism

I woke up with the funny thought in my mind today.  That is, if my husband always seems to attract dramatic people in his life, why am I always attracting people with money issue?  Not that they were poor or anything, but it seems that their life is defined by how much money they make, which they treat money as some kind of power and having hard time to let go of that power.

Sure enough, after a cup of coffee trying to clear my mind and sat back to my computer for some facebook time to wake myself up, the first time that pop up in my eye is a Ted talk by Mag Hsu titled: criticizing someone?  Maybe we just don’t like ourselves. (Here is the link if you are interested: Mag Hsu / 批評別人？原來我們討厭的是自己。 )

Mag Hsu is a popular playwright in Taiwan.  Maybe because I am coming from similar background as her, that’s why I can relate to what she was talking about.  As an romance author, I too am often questioned by readers which character is more like me.  As Mag Hsu said, we (the writer) is often hidden in every character we create.  Those characters may have flaws, but those flaws are usually reflecting who we are within.  Because afterall, we are the one who create them, and the one who give them personality in the story.  With that awareness in mind, we will often start to notice of all those flaws that we have hidden all over the place within our stories.  As I mentioned before, awareness is the begining of evolution.  (And we all know how hard it is to admit that we actually have a flaw, right? ;p )  Mag Hsu said that because we criticize ourselves so much with that specific flaw, and that’s why when someone has the similar characteristic, we tend to spot it right away and feel the need to criticize it as well.

That awareness came very strong to me after knowing what I know 5 years ago.  I started to question why I hate dramatic people so much, and suspected that maybe I too am dramatic person.  It was then I had various people confronted to me and told me how they think I am dramatic or how dramatic my upbringing was etc…  It is hard to face the criticism that hit right on the spot.  But it also felt such a great relief and weight off my shoulder when I started to accept that part of flaw in me.  So maybe I am dramatice, I thought.  But what is it that I like about me, and what it is that I have need to hide?  As I keep asking question regarding to my hidden dramatic self, I came to a point that I was simply okay with whom I am.  It was when I am okay with my own dramatic self that I realized other people drama no longer bothers me.  Same goes negativity as well.

Through years, I worked a lots of issue within myself.  It is the thought that hit me this morning get me to start thinking: maybe I do have an issue with money.   My husband said that he was tird of living in poverty as a kid, and that’s why he had hard time letting go of money.  Insteand of criticizing him, I sat back and recalled the memories how my father used to ask us to write down every penny we used of him, just so he could claim his interest one day.  To him, that’s his way to show his supremecy to me, money is he way to hold power over me.  As I mentioned before, maybe that part of me who wants to be strong mentally and physically, somehow decide to make myself successful just so I can have that power over him?  At the meanwhile, I do know that if I keep having this revenge in mind, I can’t never be true wealthy, can I?  Really, guys, I don’t have the answer for my own question yet (All I have is awareness. ;p).  But I do know that if you keep asking question, universe will always find a way to show you the answer.

As before, I would always tell my husband that the reason he attracts dramatic people is because there’s a task for him to learn.  But today I started to question that maybe after working through this task, we will then be holding the key to the solution?

Anyway, it’s just a random talk today.  But I am here to suggest that whenever you have an urge or need to criticize someone, maybe you can simply sit back and reflect within yourself to see if there’s any part of that criticism is reflecting the part that you dislike yourself the most.  Because if you truly find peace within yourself, you would have not need to criticize that someone either.  You will simply choose to keep them in your life or kick them out of it, but criticizing would just be a waste of time, isn’t it?  🙂